As we wait for our ultimate fate, one thing is certain. After college and until retirement, the five day work week is a 40 year purgatory of cheap suits, ugly ties, and sexual harassment lawsuits. Let’s take an in depth look into the world of purgatory through a passage in the “Bible: Life After College” edition.
Monday: Mondays are the days to question your life. What went wrong? If I had it all over again, what would I do differently? Why is “Maxim” blocked on my computer? Getting through Mondays means forgetting about what your life has become and trying to find something to look forward to. Do yourself a favor. Take a nap. Play some solitaire. Anything but work and remember that at the very least the “Hills” is on tonight. I hope Heidi finally leaves Spencer.
Tuesday: Maybe you should have acted “a little slow” back in the third grade. Maybe have tried to stick a ruler up your nose or pretend that you still don’t know when the right time to go the bathroom is. Maybe then you would be pushing shopping carts in a Wal-Mart without the stress of new projects and deadlines. But you did remember to bring in your personal Maxim subscription today. It’s just another way to get around the company web filter and entertain you for another 8 hours. Projects and deadlines can way until later.
Wednesday: Time to get down to business. Research your options, call prospective customers, and weigh your options. With the right preparation and follow through, all of your hard work will pay off. And NO, I’m not talking about business. I’m talking about LUNCH! Chinese please!
Thursday: You have a deadline tomorrow and you haven’t done a thing. What the hell is all this shit on your desk? Maybe if you make it look like you’re doing something, nobody will notice that you deserve a pink slip and a box to pack up your desk. You’ll just hold up these stacks of papers for the next couple hours and hope for the best. Is it too late to become a Gym teacher?
Friday: Call the wife and tell her you won’t be making it to dinner. Apologize to Johnny for not being able to make his Little League game tomorrow. Find some painkillers and a bottle of Jack to wash them down. Looks like you’ll be coming in on Saturday.
Monday: Mondays are the days to question your life. What went wrong? If I had it all over again, what would I do differently? Why is “Maxim” blocked on my computer? Getting through Mondays means forgetting about what your life has become and trying to find something to look forward to. Do yourself a favor. Take a nap. Play some solitaire. Anything but work and remember that at the very least the “Hills” is on tonight. I hope Heidi finally leaves Spencer.
Tuesday: Maybe you should have acted “a little slow” back in the third grade. Maybe have tried to stick a ruler up your nose or pretend that you still don’t know when the right time to go the bathroom is. Maybe then you would be pushing shopping carts in a Wal-Mart without the stress of new projects and deadlines. But you did remember to bring in your personal Maxim subscription today. It’s just another way to get around the company web filter and entertain you for another 8 hours. Projects and deadlines can way until later.
Wednesday: Time to get down to business. Research your options, call prospective customers, and weigh your options. With the right preparation and follow through, all of your hard work will pay off. And NO, I’m not talking about business. I’m talking about LUNCH! Chinese please!
Thursday: You have a deadline tomorrow and you haven’t done a thing. What the hell is all this shit on your desk? Maybe if you make it look like you’re doing something, nobody will notice that you deserve a pink slip and a box to pack up your desk. You’ll just hold up these stacks of papers for the next couple hours and hope for the best. Is it too late to become a Gym teacher?
Friday: Call the wife and tell her you won’t be making it to dinner. Apologize to Johnny for not being able to make his Little League game tomorrow. Find some painkillers and a bottle of Jack to wash them down. Looks like you’ll be coming in on Saturday.
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