In college, a date was no more than buying a girl a $3 red cup, doing a keg stand, and having drunk sex, while forgetting you left a frozen pizza in the oven. Unfortunately, dating for young professionals is a lot more expensive. After paying for dinner, drinks, and a movie, your total bill for the night is well over $100. For that kind of money, you’re better off purchasing a hooker, which at least guarantees you a happy ending. Due to the high costs of dating and limited amounts of sex, many young professionals make the mistake of getting married too young. Unless your girlfriend is pregnant or you’re in the military with a G.E.D., you don’t have to walk down the aisle just yet. Here are some alternatives for young professionals looking for love at a discounted price.
Internet Dating: Young professionals are just beginning to learn what pedophiles have known for years. Internet dating is fast, easy, and cheap. And more often than not, the victim on the other end is insecure and easy to manipulate. For pedophiles, the ideal victim is a 14-year-old girl rebelling against her parents. For young professionals, the ideal victim is a good-looking woman approaching 30 who is willing to lower her standards in order to brag to her friends. Luckily, you fit this description perfectly!
Bachelorette Party: A bachelorette party catches you by surprise like a late-night “Girls Gone Wild” commercial without the censors. With their biological clocks running out, girls are drunk, jealous, and wondering if “Mr. Right” is out there. This is the perfect formula for a one-night stand. And for tonight, “Mr. Right” just happens to be a 22-year-old former Liberal Arts major who lives in his parent’s basement. Please just try to stay away from the bride.
Cougars: Along with MILFS, Cougars have generated billions of dollars for the porn industry in recent years. More importantly, a real world Cougar has the money to support herself due to the monthly alimony payments she receives from her second husband. Always on the prowl, these women in their 40s want nothing more than a boy-toy to live out their adolescent fantasies. Finally, young males with acne and pre-pubescent mustaches have a shot in life that doesn’t involve Vocational school.
Homeless: Nothing says low maintenance like a crack-head missing her front teeth and screaming obscenities under a dumpster. Once you’ve been kicked out of the bar for drunk and disorderly conduct, you’ll consider this behavior kinky and arousing. Offer her a couple dollars and she’ll surely take you back to her park bench. What could be more romantic than a night out under the stars?
Prostitutes: Dating a prostitute has many advantages. You don’t have to cuddle after sex. You don’t have to say, “I love you.” And best of all, being quick isn’t a turn-off. It’s actually good for business. It looks like you’ve found your soul-mate. Just be sure to know her weekly specials.
Internet Dating: Young professionals are just beginning to learn what pedophiles have known for years. Internet dating is fast, easy, and cheap. And more often than not, the victim on the other end is insecure and easy to manipulate. For pedophiles, the ideal victim is a 14-year-old girl rebelling against her parents. For young professionals, the ideal victim is a good-looking woman approaching 30 who is willing to lower her standards in order to brag to her friends. Luckily, you fit this description perfectly!
Bachelorette Party: A bachelorette party catches you by surprise like a late-night “Girls Gone Wild” commercial without the censors. With their biological clocks running out, girls are drunk, jealous, and wondering if “Mr. Right” is out there. This is the perfect formula for a one-night stand. And for tonight, “Mr. Right” just happens to be a 22-year-old former Liberal Arts major who lives in his parent’s basement. Please just try to stay away from the bride.
Cougars: Along with MILFS, Cougars have generated billions of dollars for the porn industry in recent years. More importantly, a real world Cougar has the money to support herself due to the monthly alimony payments she receives from her second husband. Always on the prowl, these women in their 40s want nothing more than a boy-toy to live out their adolescent fantasies. Finally, young males with acne and pre-pubescent mustaches have a shot in life that doesn’t involve Vocational school.
Homeless: Nothing says low maintenance like a crack-head missing her front teeth and screaming obscenities under a dumpster. Once you’ve been kicked out of the bar for drunk and disorderly conduct, you’ll consider this behavior kinky and arousing. Offer her a couple dollars and she’ll surely take you back to her park bench. What could be more romantic than a night out under the stars?
Prostitutes: Dating a prostitute has many advantages. You don’t have to cuddle after sex. You don’t have to say, “I love you.” And best of all, being quick isn’t a turn-off. It’s actually good for business. It looks like you’ve found your soul-mate. Just be sure to know her weekly specials.
1 comments:
Why does the picture representing the homeless/crackhead have to be of a Black person, huh? I'm boycotting this site for good. Sike
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