Life After College: Summer Vacations

“Summer time and the livin’s easy”---Sublime

The lead singer for Sublime, Bradley Nowell, obviously never graduated from college. If he had put down his heroin long enough to attend a college recruiting fair, he would have learned that summer vacations disappear along with your sex life when you walk across that stage to get your degree. The only people approaching the legal age to rent a car that still work as a lifeguard or camp counselor are the ones who still live off their parents and have a hidden drug habit. Think Kim Kardashian without the fame.


For those forced to find a real job, your Tuesday afternoons napping and watching “Tool Time” and “The Steve Harvey Show” on TBS are replaced with paper jams and awkward conversations with your boss in the company bathroom. Suddenly, your three months of drinking in your parent’s basement and saving up for the next “Dave Matthews” concert diminishes into buying Girl Scout Cookies for your co-worker’s daughter and monthly car payments. Since we all can’t be guidos heading down to the Jersey Shore in search of unwed mothers and cheese balls, most of us are forced to accept the fact that summer vacations as we know it are over. But unless you work at a 7-11, the one thing society can’t take away from us are holiday weekends. And summer has some huge ones. Here’s what you need to know about each holiday and what to look out for as you try to rediscover your youthful innocence when your biggest decision was what flavor slush to order after a Little League All-Star game.

Memorial Day: Memorial Day marks the unofficial start of summer where tanning salons and V-necks immediately blur the lines of sexual orientation. But it is also the time when the most recent college seniors have graduated and will soon enter the confusing world of company 401K and Roth IRA plans. And more importantly, it is the precise moment when recent graduates become aware of their limited options in life. For men, the only decision is what company offers the most paid holidays. But women in search of an easy way out from the 40 years of awkward looking suit pants can also turn to pregnancy. With the right paternity test, a woman can move up the corporate ladder and take over a family business in only nine short months.

Country Fest: This might not be a nationally recognized holiday, but a summer Country Fest concert is a lot like St. Patty’s day. On St. Patty’s day, everyone is Irish, but not everyone has pasty white skin and a domestic abuse record. For Country Fest, everyone is Southern, but not everyone makes under $30,000 a year and has a fear of god. As you expand your cultural horizons, you might even be lucky enough to find yourself a southern belle for the night. Just don’t tell anyone she’s from Jersey.

July Fourth: The Fourth is the one day that defines summer with cookouts, fireworks, and lake houses. Or in the case of your entry-level salary, lean cuisines, glow sticks, and studio apartments. But this can all be overlooked with a rich friend that owns a boat. For some reason, partying on a boat on the Fourth is like being the gay friend taking the most popular girl in school to the Prom. To a stranger, you’re a lucky guy, but your sexuality or decision to not go to Law School will always be a disappointment to your parents.

Labor Day: It’s a well-known unwritten rule to not wear white after Labor Day. For college graduates, the lesser-known unwritten rule is to not wear plaid shorts or boat shoes. You’re starting to approach your mid 20’s. It’s about time you stop dressing like the “Young Men’s” section in the Target catalogue you get in the Sunday paper. But be sure to keep that wardrobe in close storage. You never know when it’s “Virgin Night” at your local bar.



For more "Life After College:"
Five Day Work Week
Co-Workers
Office Happy Hours
Dating
Alumni Weekends